Without her

Having Ellington at her grandparent's house for the last couple of days has been really weird. Not at all the joyous freedom of having one child like I expected it to be. I had this vision that Finley and I would be galavanting all around town, me revelling in how easy it is to be out without dear girl and all of her toddler time-consuming ways.

Missing Ellie's Triathlon training this week….

...As well as opera practice.

What are those time-consuming ways, you should ask? Biggest time waster: Ellie taking her socks and boots off as soon as the van door closes, only for me having to shove her sweaty little feet back in said socks and boots at the next errand. And the cycle continues about five times while we are out. Until I have a brilliant idea to make her stop- I threaten that if she takes her boots off again, she'll have to walk from the van to the house in bare feet. "Ok, deal, mommy!", she squeals as she rips them off one last time, excited about the prospect of being able to run barefoot on the snowy sidewalk…

Breakfast-time hilarity with Sister

No, it hasn't even been easier to leave the house with one. I think it's because it's just him and I, and he still naps up to 3 times a day, I tell myself his nap is important and we'll leave after it. I don't have a girl who's itching to get out and see a friend, go to The Fish Store, or get a "cake-cup" from down the road.  Finn get's up and feeding him takes a little longer, because I now have the time to sit and smile at him (without the usual rushing around, cooking Ellie her third egg for breakfast) and it's at this point I am wondering why it's so quiet in the house. I mean, I'm trying to make conversation with Finn, but the poor guy has three tricks he's mastered so it goes like this; " Finn, where's the liiighhht?" And he'll raise his folded hands and smile big at the pendant lamp above our island. "Diii", he says, and we're on to the next heavy topic. "Head. can you touch you're head?" And he does so, but silently…and then we have a rousing song of  If You're Happy And You Know It, with my little genius claps loudly as I sing. I have totally forgotten how utterly boring it is with just a baby! I know I was back with Ellie too, because the day seemed to go on forever ... It wasn't the fussiness of a baby that made me want Daddy home so bad, it was the loneliness of not talking to anyone for hours! (especially if mom, Heidi, Faye, Melissa, Shauna, Jeremy, Sam, Becky,  Joris, Tanya, Jen, Sarah, Alissia, Stephanie or Talia wouldn't pick up the phone that day- and believe me- some days I tried ALL of their numbers!)

Finn's mini mommy

I think I've noticed over the course of three days that guilt is slowly seeping away. The guilt that comes from knowing my second born will never have my time and attention the way my firstborn did. Guilt of his milestones not yet reached at the 10 month mark… guilt that my daughter's daily demands overshadow Finn's.  Instead, having my toddler away has made me realize how much Ellington enriches our lives, and how much better off Finley is for having her around.(Now I  have guilt for when   Ellie was a baby- I should have adopted a 3 year old so she could have had the same entertainment and love as Finn experiences!)

No one is here to make both Finn and I laugh at bare-bum antics. She's not here making sure Finn is kept safe from the perils of living in a yet-to-be-baby-proofed home (swiped some delicious newspaper and lint in his mouth during playtime). There's lots of cuddles for Finley this week, but none for mommy in Ellie's absence. I've even got a new perspective on the most tiring things we deal with our toddlers: reasoning, arguing and negotiating! The debates and arguments over what kinds of foods we'll eat, where we'll go (new thing: she just wants to stay home) and if we'll write out our alphabets on paper or the forbidden walls, are God's way of keeping our brains fresh and resistant to manipulative pressures in our lives…Toddlers do wonders for all of us.

                                                                              
I can't wait to have you enriching our home again, Ellington! See you in an hour. XO